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I apologise now but this is going to be a bit of a self absorbed blog.

Over the past couple of weeks I have noticed that my physical health pain wise has got worse. I have noticed that my lumbar spine is hurting more and i keep getting bouts of sciatica, and I know I should go and see a doctor because I have Degenerative Disc Disease and it could be another disc going however I have the feeling that it will be blamed on the Fibro and this I don’t want. I know it is expensive to do x rays or scans however I feel I need another one just to check.

This may be down to the fact I have gained the extra weight which I am hoping is down to my gallbladder problem and when I have that removed, the weight will hopefully come off and I will get back to my fighting weight of something around 11 stone. Less than that would be good. I have been advised by a second doctor that it is fine for me to eat only 600 calories a day and even though I am doing this, I am still not losing weight. I know about BMR and starvation diets but for two doctors to say it is fine, then surely it is. They are the experts. I am seeing another doctor soon about something completely different however I will ask her for a third opinion! I wish I could get out and exercise. I do in a way because I don’t spend all day in bed anymore and my Carer, Mo, does make me go out so I am walking more than I did, so that could be causing the lumbar issue.

All of the above is causing my mental health to deteriorate. I am having a very selfish, ‘me’ day today. But feeling guilty as heck about it but my Therapist has said I need to do these things to help me refresh my brain so to speak. She also wants me to take on hobbies that take my mind off of self harming thoughts and this is something we have to really look into. At the moment my best investment is my Apple iPad as I can do jigsaws and word and number puzzles. The best one is calligraphy. I adore calligraphy. I just wish I had a little more confidence and just go for it!

Thanks for reading.