Grrrr

Why can’t I find my friends!

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Pain and mental health (possible triggers)

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I apologise now but this is going to be a bit of a self absorbed blog.

Over the past couple of weeks I have noticed that my physical health pain wise has got worse. I have noticed that my lumbar spine is hurting more and i keep getting bouts of sciatica, and I know I should go and see a doctor because I have Degenerative Disc Disease and it could be another disc going however I have the feeling that it will be blamed on the Fibro and this I don’t want. I know it is expensive to do x rays or scans however I feel I need another one just to check.

This may be down to the fact I have gained the extra weight which I am hoping is down to my gallbladder problem and when I have that removed, the weight will hopefully come off and I will get back to my fighting weight of something around 11 stone. Less than that would be good. I have been advised by a second doctor that it is fine for me to eat only 600 calories a day and even though I am doing this, I am still not losing weight. I know about BMR and starvation diets but for two doctors to say it is fine, then surely it is. They are the experts. I am seeing another doctor soon about something completely different however I will ask her for a third opinion! I wish I could get out and exercise. I do in a way because I don’t spend all day in bed anymore and my Carer, Mo, does make me go out so I am walking more than I did, so that could be causing the lumbar issue.

All of the above is causing my mental health to deteriorate. I am having a very selfish, ‘me’ day today. But feeling guilty as heck about it but my Therapist has said I need to do these things to help me refresh my brain so to speak. She also wants me to take on hobbies that take my mind off of self harming thoughts and this is something we have to really look into. At the moment my best investment is my Apple iPad as I can do jigsaws and word and number puzzles. The best one is calligraphy. I adore calligraphy. I just wish I had a little more confidence and just go for it!

Thanks for reading.

Pleased to meet you. Hope you guess my name!

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DISCLAIMER – This blog will include many subjects, including life, calligraphy, family, friends. however there will be a lot of talking about ill health. If not interested, please don’t read. I will ensure there is something in the subject heading if there are health issues being written about

I am 42. Some days I feel I am 82, like today. Once again I was supposed to be going out. My brain, which is still in its 20’s, wants to go out but it isn’t over-riding the pain. I am lucky that 90% of my friends understand having to cancel but it doesn’t make it any easier. Pissed off doesn’t cover it.

So what do I do to keep sane? I write. I don’t mean novels. I do pretty writing. I can’t call it calligraphy just yet as there is no way I can be associated with some of my Calligraphy buddies who just can look at a piece of paper and produce something beautiful. I am still a beginner but I practice as much as I can.

I read. A lot. Charity shops like me as I will buy books from them and take them back. I refuse to pay full price for a book if I can. I would rather buy from a charity shop as you can find some real gems and get to try different authors. My lovely Hubby bought me a kindle for Christmas as it is perfect for bad days. There are the days that even picking up a book hurts. May sound melodramatic and wussy but it does happen.

I am addicted to the Military History channel. Anything historical and I am one happy SF. I also like watching the cycling like the Giro, La Tour etc and it has nothing to do with all that Lycra …… honest. 🙂

I try and do other crafts. I used to make cards, make lace – well attempted to, make jewellery but it has got to the point where I have had to choose one and my first love being reading, then pretty writing is a logical step. If anyone wants anything written, let me know as I love practicing and it is better to practice on a poem or verse (Bible is great for that) than just the alphabet over and over.

Here is one piece I actually am happy to publish.

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